Dear Diary,
So, on Sunday which was October 4, my aunt called and asked if i wanted to go with her to a party. The party was going to be held in the salon in which i want to get married in. Its beautiful and it just made me want to have that salon even more know. So, i agreed and went and was ok. I danced, but with an older man, more correctly my uncle's boss. Since i dont dance the cumbia genre, i was bad at dancing, I was blushing all the way. He held me like a gentleman, but the waist. LOL. Oh and i drank 2 margaritas, but it wasnt enought to get me drunk...damn...lol..This whole week has been chaotic, going to the hospital to see my uncle and the doctor, family...argh its a little too much for me. Oh i forgot, my daddy found a job. Im so happy and excited for him.
Now, to the sad and miserable part of my life. I keep dreaming about him. Always talking to him, kissing him, and hugging him. And its always around the same time, Halloween and the beginning of November. I know some thing is going to happen but i want to know what it is. I know its hard for me, to get him off my dreams, but i feel safe and secure with him, i sometimes wish night can come faster so i can dream about him.
So, on Sunday, i forwarded him a message i received and so he replied, we txted and he called me. We talked for about 15 mins since he called when i was going home. That call, honestly tore down all my defenses i have been working on for the last week. I cried when i got home. It hurt so much. So we started with hi and stuff. I heard some noise in the background and i asked him wat it was. He replied that he was trying to install a program on the computer since he bought an ipod. I was like oh, oh ok...he then added that he bought one for him and my sister. In my mind i was like wat?!?! sister?, shes down here in LA, is he like going to send it to her?!! He immediately replied with "i went down to LA this weekend and i just got here to Reno couple minutes ago." Got damn, he tore me to pieces, i was speechless and i quickly responded with, oh you didnt buy me something. That was the best i could come up wit at the moment. The conversation kept going and i did everything i could not to show i was hurt, but it was f-ing hard. When i clicked. I was shocked, i could barely keep going with my aunt. Tears were forming in my eyes, i was ready to bawl my guts out at that moment but i kept my facade and waited home. When i told my mom, i was barely able to finish the sentence and started crying.
I went to take a shower and started thinking, how im such a fool, thinking that he still cared and loved me. I mean honestly, he broke it off, he could of come over and said hi, or try to mend stuff between us. It hurt too much... He came down here and I didnt know and if it wasnt because of the message i could of still been in my little fantasy of everything is gonna work out between us. I think he told me on purpose to hurt me even more. I know doesnt have the "duty" of coming to see me, but couldnt he come and settle things out? I kept thinking how almost a year ago, he promised me that he came back to stay forever. He promised he was never going to hurt me and he was here to be wit me until we got married. I might be a hopeless romantic, but when the guy whom you love with everything you got walks out on you, and treats you like nothing ever happend, like your a stranger and like your indifferent to him, damn it hurts. I hadnt cried for some days, but every single time i think about it, it makes me so miserable. Im done, i begged, i told him not to go, not to leave, to keep this going, i cried and he didnt care. Im done, im leaving it as is. If he wants to talk to me, he knows where to find me. Like the saying goes, "i did my part but i cant do it alone". Its not that i wont stop loving him, its just i cant keep getting hurt, its not fair, Im the one wit the broken heart and he keeps stomping on it, and now i cant keep going like this.
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