Everything is reminding me of what could of been and everything that goes with him. My whole system is inclined to shed tears very quickly. All the memories, everything leading up to my so called "big wedding day" on May 29, and it doesnt help when my family and friends keep asking about the wedding. When i see something that he gave me or something that reminds me of him, i want to throw it, trash it, break it, destroy it, yet i just stare and grieve inside me. I guess if i where alone i would be a mess, but i have the most important thing in my life and thats my mother who has helped me a lot. She tells me the truth and although it hurts, infuriates me, i know she's right. I love her and thanks to her, i have been able to control myself to call him, send him an email or try contact him any sort of way.
So yesterday it was my first day at my new job. Damn i got to say it was very hard. I never thought taking care of a 2 year old was hard. I got to admit she's very spoiled which causes all my patience to stir up. Yet, she creates a distraction for me and makes me forget my problems for a couple hours. I some time wish i had my baby of my own, but im not ready yet.
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