Sunday Drama

Dear Diary,
So today was a long day for me. I barely got home about an hour ago. I had a fun day, i was able to forget about my issues for a day. First i went to Laguna Niguel, an hour from my house, it was beautiful, getting there, the valley had an amazing view. Next i got home and got dressed to go to a party/wedding. It was fun, since i was able to chat with family members, they might be conceited and prideful...ha ha that my new word...but i had fun. My second cousin "AB" had guy problems and she was only 14, she really needs a guide in her life, if not then she is going to get lost. Her only role model "IO" is 19 but acts like she 15. IO has a baby of 1yr and 3 months, its a shame IO baby thinks her grandmother is her mother. Its a really confusing story. IO "husband" is 21 but he acts like a little kid with high hormones. Its funny really. I know for now im out of the dating game, so im not looking for anything. Him on the other hand, looks at me with eyes like he wants to eat me, he has a kid, but the he is oblivious to the baby. He found any excuse to be near or to see what im doing. I guess his "wife" got mad at him because after a while he was "trying" to avoid me. I told you it was complicated..ha ha.
So the hard part of this night was that my family members that knew about my ex-boyfriend, kept asking me for him. They asked how was he, i would reply he went to nevada, they would ask if he is coming down to see me, i would say yes, but i made it seem like a long distance relationship wasnt for me. They asked if he called, and i would reply he called everyday. I hate lying but there is nothing i can do for now i have to lie. The night concluded with my IO's mom telling me that she is proud of me that i am still living with my mom and that she is proud of me for not being pregnant. She said she wished she was my mom, because i make my family proud. I laughed and said that for now I not ready to settle down and its going to be a while until im ready to have kids, I need to have fun and enjoy what life is going to throw at me.
So that was my day, long and complicated, but its another day i made it through without crying...

Sad Day Today...

Dear Diary,
So this day was immenent. My boyfriend of almost four years and I broke up. What can i say apart from i made it work and gave everything i had. He didnt want a stable relationship, and he choose money over love. His future consists of money and power and he rather throw everything we had for that. Its a shame really, to make it clear i hold no grudge or hatred towards him, in a way i feel relieved and sad. Relieved in a way that i know that i wont be crying any more over his confused mind and his way of treating me. Im sad because in reality i was extremely in love with him. I can honestly say that i would of given everything up for him. His words were like a prophecy to me, waiting to be full filled. If i know he would of been at the bottom of the bridge i would of thrown myself off the cliff just to be with him. But he didnt want that. I gave him everything i had and if he didnt appreciate it then its him who i have to blame. He wasnt willing to fight for what we had and it just proves to me that maybe he never loved me, that i was just his toy all these years. I know im not the one to blame and i know i have to get back into my own two feet. I have to show myself that im beautiful and any guy would be proud and happy to have me. It doesnt mean that Im going to jump in front of the first guy i meet. It will take me time but i will come out on top. One day he will hear about me and realize what he lost and think of what could of been. We might once again meet up and  try again or i will decide to find myself denying him. I know its difficult but i will once see the sun shinning bright again. I just need time. Crying wont take me anywhere, being strong and moving on will. For now im sad.

 Tearfully,

Books only tell the reality...

Dear Diary,

Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side by  Beth Fantaskey.I got this book today and finished it in a matter of hours.  I know i have read extremely great books including the Twilight Saga but i have to say this is by far the best book i have ever read. I could of changed some parts of the book and the ending, but it was amazing. I never thought a book could cause me to break down and cry, to make me relate to the characters to an emotional level. I guess since this book hits so close to home. I know that books are based on an emotional level and this one proves it.

So it came true...

Dear Diary,
I know its been 2 weeks since i last wrote but a whole bunch of things have been going on. So my boyfriend is moving to Reno this weekend. I have extreme mixed feelings about the whole situation. I currently am  happy for him and wish him the best of luck, but at the same time i am sad, pessimistic, and with a feeling that i dont want him to leave. I feel that things may go wrong, we as a couple cant work a long distance relationship and many more things. I really dont know what to think let alone understand. I feel everything just crashed into me all at the same time. He has his apartment and everything, but i feel dispriviledged because as his girlfried i have the right to have a key, sneak out of my place to go to his, or wait for him there. I guess im letting everything get to me but i feel lonely, i try not to show this to him, but damn it gets hard. He leaves this weekend to live in Reno and i know its imminent the hours im going to spend crying. Its childish considering we are going to make it through but i feel like crying my guts off...
Bunches of Love

Its been awhile...

I have had a really hectic month. So many things to worry and do. This whole month I have mostly been worried about my boyfriend. He is being relocated to Reno, Nevada and we live here in Southern California. Its only a couple hours drive, but being apart from someone who you have been with for 3 1/2 years, idk it just pains me to think of being apart from him. About an hour or so, he just found out he got the job and well he is gonna leave me...sniff sniff...don't know whats going to happen or when is this big change going to come, but i think I'm going to over work my brain if i keep thinking of what is going to happen.

I am Back!!

Dear Diary,

So for the last couple weeks, I did not expect to be in such a chaotic situation. Like i said before my aunt had her baby and well she got sick and was not able to do anything and i had to help her. Every time i tried doing something for myself i was thrown a whole bunch of different chores and things to do but now im back!!

So many things to do and well so little time. Damn its already AUGUST!! time is flying so quick!! But any how, things turned out great had a great time with the baby and all and i was happy to take care of a newborn. They are extremely difficult to take care of, all nighters, diapers, food....i mean the list goes on and on. But im here rejuvinated...now lets get back to our schedule.

Bunches of Love

Good News...

Dear Diary,
Today my little cousin was born. His name is Daniel Francisco and he was a healthy boy of 8lbs and 6oz. He was born at 2:50 this afternoon.

XOXOXOXOXO

Long Weekend...

Dear Diary,

I apologize for not writing sooner but i have had an extremely busy week and weekend. First off, i want to say im committing to losing weight!! Finally huh? Well we got a treadmill and i know can lose the weight. Secondly, i went dancing this friday night and i dont regret it for the world. On Saturday i had to work as a caterer. The job was extremely hard. I personally served food to about 400+ people on saturday all by my self. But hey the pay was worth it. Yesterday and today the boyfriend came over and well i had no time left for myself, until right now. So here i am.

Ok, maybe im wrong about this, but couple of days ago, i was on "youtube" and i saw some vids about latina chicks dancing reggaeton. If you dont know what that is, its a type of music genre. I might be wrong, but i think that a lot of latinas show how they can show off their body for perverts to watch. I think that they are degrating themselves for no reason whatsoever. Its my opinion and you might disagree. So tell me what you think.

Bunches of Love

Independence Day

Dear Diary,

Happy 4th of July, or better known as Independence Day. Hopefully you will have great time with your family and enjoy every moment of it. Today, is not such a good day for me. I think I'm getting sick and well I'm not enjoying it. Well see how the next couple of days go. Wish me luck!

XOXOXOXOXO

Time Flies...

Dear Diary,

Can you believe it? It is already July. The seventh month of the year. It seems like just yesterday it was January. Last year around this time it was drama and pain, but that's a story for some other day not now. I'm happy and don't want to ruin it with melancholy. But i will tell you soon, so dont worry. Anyways, I saw the boyfriend today. Had so much fun, but all the passion and emotion its hard to contain all the love towards each other. I love him. I dont know what i would do with out him. Hes just everything i have ever hoped for in a guy. Dont get me wrong, we have had our ups and downs. 3 years and 5 months is a long time and alot can happen during that time. I dont regret anything that happened because as the cliche goes, "Everything happens for a reason"...I believe that everything we went through made us the couple we are now, full of love, happiness, trust, loyalty and honesty.

Bunches of Love