April 2010

Dear Diary,
I never thought that time was going to go by that quick. I feel like i just wake up and then when i look at the time its 9:00 PM. Seriously, its goes by so quick.
During these last few weeks i have been pondering about "the break-up" and every day that goes by i am finally able to see the truth and i realize that it was the best thing that could of happened to me. Its something that I was finally able to open my eyes and truly see the reality of the situation. Since he left the first time, it hasn't been a relationship and sooner or later this was going to happen. Although i wanted to make things work, it was not going to. I let myself become someone that was not me. I let myself get step on, i begged, i let my self deteriorate just to save a relationship that was doomed to fail. In the end, i always leave myself wondering "What if he comes back? Will I take him back?" Im in the stage where i wont jump and yes. Now i feel that i will say I don't know. I feel anger and resentment, but i dont feel hatred, at least not yet.
I recently drop a lot of weight. I think its because i got sick, but my uncle thinks its because im heart broken. I got a new look, I cut my hair and got bangs. Freaking annoying as hell, by i will get by. Yet, when i walk out that door, i feel confident. I walk with my head high knowing that life is yet to come and i have noticed how guys look at me. I have seen boys turn heads for me. Which makes me wonder, "Why did i become someone im not for him?"
Time will tell but know im not happy but not sad anymore. I'm neutral, pretty soon I know i will be happy.