Dear Diary,
Not that Im trying to neglect you or anything but its been a hard week for me.
I had like the major version of the flu. First i started of with a strep throat, i got antibiotics. Soon after that i got the flu. After the flu, now, i have the cough. Its horrible. I cant believe it. I have been through hell in less than a week. I couldnt drink or eat anything. Everything was irritating me and the fever was making it worse.
And not to mention the fact that my little brother had his tonsils removed on last week Tuesday and he was feeling bad. Everything just piled up on me all at one time.
Worst of all has been the crying, I've been emotional and everything makes me cry, especially when i remember him, i start crying hysterically. Him, all i could think about is him. I have been having dreams about him and i dont like them at all. It always has to do with him and another girl. Something inside of me tells me that its true. Deep down inside of me i know that he had someone else that why our engagement went down the drain. Its as if, its was always there except i didnt want to see it. In a way i feel that its pointless like i should give up, but it doesnt mean that it still hurts. I know that in the end, karma always takes effect whether we want it or not, but i dont want him to feel the pain that i have felt. Its a pain that i wouldnt even want my worst enemies to feel because its unbearable and every one that has gone through this pain knows what im talking about. In the end i will leave it in God's hand to decide what is going to happen. Whatever happens happens and i wont complain. Its a pain, a huge pain only God and time can heal. I need a lot of time.....
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Big, Long Day Today
Dear Diary,
Today was a long day. Although its official i havent spoken with him for the last week, im in pain, but its not what is bothering me today.I have a whole bunch of things going on. My little brother had a surgery today. He got his tonsil and his adenoids removed today with another procedure done to him on his ear. It was devasting since i was in the hospital since 7 in the morning and got out at 1:00 PM. Its a painful experience but i knew that doing this surgery he was going to get better and healthier. He is good, yet is in terrible pain, but with his meds i know that he is going to get better.
Today was a long day. Although its official i havent spoken with him for the last week, im in pain, but its not what is bothering me today.I have a whole bunch of things going on. My little brother had a surgery today. He got his tonsil and his adenoids removed today with another procedure done to him on his ear. It was devasting since i was in the hospital since 7 in the morning and got out at 1:00 PM. Its a painful experience but i knew that doing this surgery he was going to get better and healthier. He is good, yet is in terrible pain, but with his meds i know that he is going to get better.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Eclipse!
Yesterday was the first ever clip of the Twilight Saga: Eclipse. I was extremely excited and i nearly fainted!
Im so excited and well as you know as of next week the Twilight Saga: New Moon will come out in DVD which of course is going to be March 20!! Can't Wait!!!
Im so excited and well as you know as of next week the Twilight Saga: New Moon will come out in DVD which of course is going to be March 20!! Can't Wait!!!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
From Darkness to Sunlight...
This is dedicated to him, you know who you are.
One day i wake up knowing that life is just like my dream, i'm getting married in a month. its exciting its really happening. Then my uncle dies, so we move the wedding date. Now that the wedding date is just around the corner, you tell me that a financial burden is causing you to say u don't want to get married, that its too much and you rather wait. i tell you how long and you reply with an i don't know. How can you do this to a bride to be, when she is excited, planning her wedding, experiencing the adrenaline coming from the fact that you are going to be mine and mine only. It hurts so bad. Next you tell me that you don't want me to leave you want me to stay and keep u company because you don't want to be alone. I look like a fool telling every one that the wedding is off, you crushed my hopes my dreams my desires and yet u ask me to stay. I cant do that, its too much so i have to let go knowing that you are not ready for what we have, it crushes me but what more is there to do? Im laughing knowing that i was naive to get married at the age of 20 but i call it love. But i know that i have a bright future ahead of me. I can make it on my own and i don't need you to make things happen. If its meant to be when your ready you'll come back, if you truly did love me you will come back and if you didn't then you wont. and if you wont i will find someone that i have been looking for and for once during this time i will be ambitious settle for nothing more than what i deserve because with you i let the true me hide, i have to resurface now with more dignity and strength knowing that the future is going to be better than the past.
One day i wake up knowing that life is just like my dream, i'm getting married in a month. its exciting its really happening. Then my uncle dies, so we move the wedding date. Now that the wedding date is just around the corner, you tell me that a financial burden is causing you to say u don't want to get married, that its too much and you rather wait. i tell you how long and you reply with an i don't know. How can you do this to a bride to be, when she is excited, planning her wedding, experiencing the adrenaline coming from the fact that you are going to be mine and mine only. It hurts so bad. Next you tell me that you don't want me to leave you want me to stay and keep u company because you don't want to be alone. I look like a fool telling every one that the wedding is off, you crushed my hopes my dreams my desires and yet u ask me to stay. I cant do that, its too much so i have to let go knowing that you are not ready for what we have, it crushes me but what more is there to do? Im laughing knowing that i was naive to get married at the age of 20 but i call it love. But i know that i have a bright future ahead of me. I can make it on my own and i don't need you to make things happen. If its meant to be when your ready you'll come back, if you truly did love me you will come back and if you didn't then you wont. and if you wont i will find someone that i have been looking for and for once during this time i will be ambitious settle for nothing more than what i deserve because with you i let the true me hide, i have to resurface now with more dignity and strength knowing that the future is going to be better than the past.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Its been awhile...
I tend to say its been a while huh? lol
So what i havent told you was I got engaged on January 16. And hmmm i was supposed to get married on February 13, but since my uncle died we had to postpone the wedding. So we decided for May 29. Yet things happened. Ok let me explain its very complicated so try to keep up.
1. As you know my "fiancee's" mother doesnt like me so my "fiancee" didnt tell her about the wedding
2. My "fiancee" has a "lack of money" so it was supposed to be a small wedding
3. I started noticing a strange behavior from my boyfriend and trust me i had all these doubts running through my mind. Ok im going to give him the benefit of the doubt, my "fiancee" works for a business company, hes like a tax accountant, so busy season is here. His behavior included that when he came from work he was tired, sleepy, and his head was hurting. I wondered if he was cheating, but like all guys they say no. He keep this behavior for about 2 weeks and well i was curious. I didnt talk to him for like nothing he literaly was avoiding me, excluding me, and didnt want to talk to me. I just didnt know what to do, or better yet what was the right thing to do.
So on Monday March 1, i receive his call. The whole day i had butterflies in my tummy so i had a premonition something was going on. So he calls and tell me that he wedding is off. I was like "What?!? are you serious?!?!" His excuse againg he said he had a lack of fund. BS!! if you tell me. I know for a fact that he told his mother and she convinced him to break things off. I was hurt, devastated, i cant explain how i feel, shattered, too many feelings. So oviously, he didnt want to end things, he still wanted to be with me until he was "ready". I didnt know so i was confused for about a week.
On Sunday March 7, I had made up my mind, since all through out the week his behavior didnt change. He was still avoiding me and well ignoring me. So i called him. I had my mind straight. It hurt to end things with him but i know i did the right thing. He just kept hurting me and this was the last strike. Up today, i dont know whether to be relieved or sad. I think it has to do with the fact that i was fed up with his attitude towards me that i decided to end things. I cried on Sunday but no more.
My opinion on all this is the fact that things happen for a reason. I mean I know that its 4 years down the drain but how could he do this to me. I still dont understand and im pretty sure he had someone else, its hard to admit it but i know its true, now im single, but saying single doesnt hurt like it did before. I think it has to do with the fact that i finally understood that this relationship was going no where with him being confused. Im no cruel to ask him to choose between him and his mother.
So yeah all that just in March, and we are barely starting , crazy huh?
So what i havent told you was I got engaged on January 16. And hmmm i was supposed to get married on February 13, but since my uncle died we had to postpone the wedding. So we decided for May 29. Yet things happened. Ok let me explain its very complicated so try to keep up.
1. As you know my "fiancee's" mother doesnt like me so my "fiancee" didnt tell her about the wedding
2. My "fiancee" has a "lack of money" so it was supposed to be a small wedding
3. I started noticing a strange behavior from my boyfriend and trust me i had all these doubts running through my mind. Ok im going to give him the benefit of the doubt, my "fiancee" works for a business company, hes like a tax accountant, so busy season is here. His behavior included that when he came from work he was tired, sleepy, and his head was hurting. I wondered if he was cheating, but like all guys they say no. He keep this behavior for about 2 weeks and well i was curious. I didnt talk to him for like nothing he literaly was avoiding me, excluding me, and didnt want to talk to me. I just didnt know what to do, or better yet what was the right thing to do.
So on Monday March 1, i receive his call. The whole day i had butterflies in my tummy so i had a premonition something was going on. So he calls and tell me that he wedding is off. I was like "What?!? are you serious?!?!" His excuse againg he said he had a lack of fund. BS!! if you tell me. I know for a fact that he told his mother and she convinced him to break things off. I was hurt, devastated, i cant explain how i feel, shattered, too many feelings. So oviously, he didnt want to end things, he still wanted to be with me until he was "ready". I didnt know so i was confused for about a week.
On Sunday March 7, I had made up my mind, since all through out the week his behavior didnt change. He was still avoiding me and well ignoring me. So i called him. I had my mind straight. It hurt to end things with him but i know i did the right thing. He just kept hurting me and this was the last strike. Up today, i dont know whether to be relieved or sad. I think it has to do with the fact that i was fed up with his attitude towards me that i decided to end things. I cried on Sunday but no more.
My opinion on all this is the fact that things happen for a reason. I mean I know that its 4 years down the drain but how could he do this to me. I still dont understand and im pretty sure he had someone else, its hard to admit it but i know its true, now im single, but saying single doesnt hurt like it did before. I think it has to do with the fact that i finally understood that this relationship was going no where with him being confused. Im no cruel to ask him to choose between him and his mother.
So yeah all that just in March, and we are barely starting , crazy huh?
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Sad Day Today...
As you all know my uncle has been sick for a long time now.
I have told you that he was ill and sadly today he passed away.
There is nothing we can do exept mourn him and well may God have him in his glory.
Its very hard for me since i lived with him and everything that he went through i was there.
My mom is taking it hard, i dont have any words to make her at peace.
Today is hard...
I have told you that he was ill and sadly today he passed away.
There is nothing we can do exept mourn him and well may God have him in his glory.
Its very hard for me since i lived with him and everything that he went through i was there.
My mom is taking it hard, i dont have any words to make her at peace.
Today is hard...
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
My Birthday!!!
Today i officially turn 20 years old and damn im excited.
A new thing and i know this year its going to be great for me wish me luck and stay tuned.
A new thing and i know this year its going to be great for me wish me luck and stay tuned.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Years
Happy New Year 2010!
Wish the best to my readers and wish u well!!!
Have a great year and may all ur dreams come true!!
Wish the best to my readers and wish u well!!!
Have a great year and may all ur dreams come true!!
Monday, November 16, 2009
....no time....
Dear Diary,
Im sorry and it has been a long time. Oh god how can i put this, so many things.
1. I got back with my ex on...let me see Nov. 4
2. I got a job and i had training today
3. My job is in Westminister and I live in LA.
a.Oh so i dont drive and i have no one to take so i guess im using public transport.
b. the ride is going to be at least 2 hrs long.
4. Im completely stressed out and dont know what i am going to do!!!
Im sorry and it has been a long time. Oh god how can i put this, so many things.
1. I got back with my ex on...let me see Nov. 4
2. I got a job and i had training today
3. My job is in Westminister and I live in LA.
a.Oh so i dont drive and i have no one to take so i guess im using public transport.
4. Im completely stressed out and dont know what i am going to do!!!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Birthday today...
Dear Diary,
Today is his birthday. He turns 21 today. Im happy but a few months back, i would of imagined it differently. I honestly thought today was going to be the best day ever of his life. Making him a king, some one who deserves all the attention in the world. I was happily imagining this day differently, now i spend the day thinking of what could of been. I txted him saying happy birthday and wished him the best, but it wasn't what i expected from him. He replied with a negative attitude. I was with my baby bro when he txted me i did my best not to cry in front of the whole school but when i got home, tears got the best of me. Later on today my friend S.C. aka Stranger told me this today "Stay up buddy and don't let nothing put you down!" and "don't stop trying." He made me feel a little better, but still life is treating me bad. So much probs and i dont have enough space left to deal with them.
So i made a question for males, and females if they wanted to express their opinion. The question was:
If you had the girl you love but was forced to go to another state to start the career dream of your choice, what would you do?
Would you marry the girl and take her with you?
Or would you leave her behind and start fresh on your own?
The answers can be found at http://www.experienceproject.com/confessions.php?cid=153824. Yes i have and account to experience project so if you like the website make an account and dont forget to add me as a friend!!
Today is his birthday. He turns 21 today. Im happy but a few months back, i would of imagined it differently. I honestly thought today was going to be the best day ever of his life. Making him a king, some one who deserves all the attention in the world. I was happily imagining this day differently, now i spend the day thinking of what could of been. I txted him saying happy birthday and wished him the best, but it wasn't what i expected from him. He replied with a negative attitude. I was with my baby bro when he txted me i did my best not to cry in front of the whole school but when i got home, tears got the best of me. Later on today my friend S.C. aka Stranger told me this today "Stay up buddy and don't let nothing put you down!" and "don't stop trying." He made me feel a little better, but still life is treating me bad. So much probs and i dont have enough space left to deal with them.
So i made a question for males, and females if they wanted to express their opinion. The question was:
If you had the girl you love but was forced to go to another state to start the career dream of your choice, what would you do?
Would you marry the girl and take her with you?
Or would you leave her behind and start fresh on your own?
The answers can be found at http://www.experienceproject.com/confessions.php?cid=153824. Yes i have and account to experience project so if you like the website make an account and dont forget to add me as a friend!!
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